Many, many years ago, I stepped out to do something that God had called me to do. The result was not perfect and it was criticized. I went away believing I had failed - failed God, failed myself, let everybody down, etc.
Years later I heard someone say, "Well, it doesn't have to be perfect the first time you do something. You learn and you get better." And I had this moment of clarity and realized that the critical words that I had heard years before had bound me up. I had believed them. And they were not necessarily the heart of God.
When our children learn to walk, or learn to do anything new, we never expect that they will do it perfectly the first time. And neither does our God.
We learn by trying. We learn by obeying. And God knows we will not always get it right. But as we humble ourselves and try again, we get closer to the goal.
It takes courage to step out and try something new. It takes faith and courage. And God sees that and cheers us on! And we may stumble. But it takes faith and courage to get up and try again.
And I think sometimes God appreciates that we tried more than we can imagine.
Think of Moses when God told him to go and talk to Pharaoh. Moses was afraid and asked for Aaron to go with him and speak for him. And Moses didn't succeed the first time he told Pharaoh to "let my people go." What if Moses had walked away thinking that he hadn't done it right? Where would we be now? ;)
Moses was not 'the expert' in freeing the Children of Israel from bondage. He just obeyed. And don't you know he learned a lot along the way. And now he's our hero.
Wait on God. Make sure you don't get out ahead of Him. Be patient. Let Him prepare you. But when He gives you the go ahead - try! Just try! If you mess it up, come home and give it all to Him. Let Him refresh and direct you. If you get wounded, let Him heal you. Forgive.
And then try again.
And realize that we're all doing exactly what you're doing. We're learning how to walk with God - how to do the things He's called us to do. Because none of us have ever done them before. We all have to start somewhere. And as soon as we get comfortable with what God has called us to do, He moves us forward and asks us to do something new.
Don't worry that you've fallen behind. Just do the first thing you know to do to catch up. I don't know if God has a Plan B (or C or D?) but I know He knows us better than we know ourselves and so nothing surprises him. Not even our hesitancy.
Start today. It won't be perfect. Maybe it never will be. But start today.
love and blessings~